Writing is hard. In general. Writing with a mental illness? Downright impossible. Projects are dropped and picked back up again. Works in progress lose their momentum and just get abandoned. This year has been a whirlwind of a year for me. I have had love and lost it, I have finally started the journey of getting the help with mental health that I truly need. And now, I want to get my writing back on track.
I haven’t written anything in what felt like years. Any time I had put pen to paper (or rather, fingers to keyboard) what came out was just… rubbish. There was no good storyline, it wasn’t even good writing. I was downright ashamed of it. That didn’t help my writing motivation, picking out everything I hated about my writing and did nothing to put it right.
In February this year, I came to terms with the fact that what I had spent years considering as ‘anxiety’ and ‘depression’ was actually something more. So I went to the doctor’s and got put on the forever-long waiting list to be assessed for Autism and Borderline Personality Disorder. I already know what you’re thinking, I knew she was crazy! Well, you might be right in that respect.
Waiting for a diagnosis is boring and long, so I decided I would carry on with my life as if I was already diagnosed, using methods to trick my mind into thinking. What do you know, it worked! There is still a long road ahead, motivation is coming slowly, but it’s coming.
Starting slowly (and easy), I began writing fanfiction. I remember many moons ago when I used to write it all the time. The perfect way to practice writing, the characters, the background, everything will be there and all I have to do is create an enticing storyline (doesn’t even have to be that good if you are writing smut). It’s the perfect place to practice your writing. And it’s where I am starting. So hopefully it’s only up from here. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
